I attempted to get this post going yesterday, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I've got the whole six year relationship heartbreak blues going on.... I took the extra day to think about what Bros before Ho's really meant. While contemplating yesterday, I looked up the female version of "Bros before ho's". I found that most women even use the same term as the men, as it has the same effect. There are a few female equivalents out there, though. "Chicks before Dicks", "Lasses before Asses", "Sistas before Mistas/Sisters before Misters", "Venus before Penis", "Besties before Testes", "Friends before Mens", "Dolls before Balls", and the list can go on. All still boil down to "Bros before Ho's".....
When I first heard the term "Bros before Ho's" I really liked it. In my mind, the statement meant not letting a someone your dating/seeing etc come between you and your best friend/group of friends, because your friends would always have your six, long after your relationship would be over. Now though, I find the term "Bros before Ho's" a Bachelor/Bachelorette statement. Soon, you will understand why. I have a feeling I will be playing Devil's Advocate here, as I could debate both sides of the statement. Why? I used to like the gist of the thing, but now, I'm torn. I can't find a black and white answer, just a whole lotta static... But I can tell you, I am leaning towards not being a fan... The six year relationship can, and will, be used to debate both sides of "Bros before Ho's".
I remember in high school, ya I know I'm digging here, but it's still an example of both sides... So anyhow, in high school, I had two friends - one named Linda and the other Angelina (Yes, their names have been changed). Linda and Angelina were pretty close to being Best Friends. Linda finally got asked out by her ultimate crush of a life time, John. (Yes, his name is changed, too.) Linda and John were having a typical eighth grade romance until Angelina got in the way. Angelina guilt tripped Linda until Linda dumped John... What was Angelina's problem? She didn't have a boyfriend at the time... A few weeks after Linda and John broke up, Angelina found herself with a boyfriend. When Linda said something to Angelina about it, Angelina figured Linda was jealous... Linda chose "Bros before Ho's", but Angelina was just out right selfish and wanted both... In the end, Angelina moved away the following year and John and Linda never dated each other again.
My own story, with out getting overly personal here, goes a little like this.... I met the ex at work 6 and a half years ago. We had an on again/off again thing for the first four years... During our whole relationship, the ex would always put his friends before me. I, on the other hand, shot myself in the foot. I usually put him first, or I was depressed over our recent decision to be "off again" that I pushed the few friends I had away.
For the past two years, we've been on again. We moved in together and there didn't seem to be much issue... Other than I had alienated myself from all my friends and saw them once or twice a year. They all got tired of my excuses as to why I couldn't go out... Then they stopped calling as much and the invites out were few and far between. When I did go out to cut a little loose without him, he'd ask "Oh, going to see your other boyfriend are you??" And then he'd laugh hysterically.... Then he'd be calling..... "When are you coming home?" or nastier "I hope you're having fun! I hope it's worth it!" That further put the kybosh on any hope from a social life. (I know, it's a story of control here... That'll be coming in future posts.)
He, on the other hand, still kept his "Bro before Ho" routine. He'd always say yes to helping a friend out, but I felt like I had to beg him for a hand. He plays as a part of a pool league team, not just one - but two pool league teams... This year, instead of taking me out on my birthday... He played pool on one of those teams. Why? Because he was the captain of the team, it was the first night of league for the fall season... AND he couldn't let his "Bros" down and miss a game... OK, so I wasn't impressed, but I wasn't a "Ho" and let him go... He promised to make it up to me the following weekend... He didn't, he had to go down and play in a pool tournament at the local bar with his "Bros". Not impressed, he kept saying he'd make it up to me, never did. Two years before that, same thing... Instead of taking me out for my birthday, he had to go watch football with his friends at the bar... The weekend I had to fly back to BC for a family emergency, do you think he drove me to or picked me up from the airport? Nope... He took the Friday afternoon off, using the excuse that he had to drive me to the airport... Never did... That weekend was a year end pool tournament for the summer league... Couldn't let his team of "Bros" down, you realize... He called me early Sunday evening saying he just got back from the end of the pool tourney. I asked him if he was picking me up from the airport... He said no because his car was out of commission. He couldn't get a hold of his Mum to borrow her vehicle... He'd been "trying all day" to get a hold of his Mum... He doesn't have a cell phone, and he'd just gotten home from the pool tournament... Because he puts his "Bros" before his "Ho" and that's exactly why he's "SINGLE"!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess my point is, that I've gotten over the whole idea of "Bros before Ho's". I hope there is more of a happy medium that can be reached. What if you always put "bros" first and miss out on the right girl/guy, you know, "THE ONE"? And if you always put the "ho" first, then your "bros" might not always be there...Good and true "bros" won't mind sharing you. And if you find out it's not the right "ho", your true "bros" will accept you back... (And then they'll probably harrass you after your broken heart has healed.) If it's the right "ho", he/she might not like your friends, but I'm sure he/she will allow you to go have a "bro night", as long as your friends don't cause you to do stupid/hurtful things. (Like a poker night with the guys, or a shopping trip with the girls...)
It's not always about me; I'm more of a loner... Don't get me wrong, I can be social and I've got "Bros"... I hope to find a "ho" again one day, too.
No comments:
Post a Comment