Familiar Distance: Family Taking the "Fun" Out of Dysfunctional

"Let me ask you this about this life we live

And let me try to swerve some of this attention you give

To them distant ass relatives over in Hampton and

If they really miss you so much

Why don't they just call you then?

If you wanted blood, would you still have love?

Or in fact does the blood make you think you have to love?

Look I probably love my family more then anybody here

But my homies are family too
Third cousins get outta here"

- Homies by ICP (Insane Clown Posse)

I've got family all over the place. My family stretches across most of Canada - predominantly in BC, but there's some in Alberta, Ontario, and Quebec too... I've got some down in the US of A - in Texas, North Carolina, Maryland and a few other places as well. I've got family over seas - Australia, Norway, Switzerland and Scotland just to name a few. These are just the places I know about, I'm sure there are more blood relatives out there in various other places as well. Family is one of the most important things out there... But where do you draw the line when it comes to Family Loyalty?

Family dynamics have always perplexed me... I dig that certain people just don't get along, blood or not... My brother and I are the perfect example of that... If we were getting along, my parents thought something must be up... Guaranteed though, if someone did something to my brother... I'm 99% sure I'd want to kick their asses... There's an unwritten rule in my mind, I'm the only one allowed to talk shit about my brother, and I'm the only one allowed to stomp on him... It's my right as an older sister.  I'm sure my brother would agree from his side of the story, and say the same thing... He's the only one allowed to hate me and talk smack about me... The less we see of each other, the better. Siblings, still putting the "fun" in dysfunctional....

Parents... Yeah, some people hate their parents... (Some you can't blame, they've got reason to hate their parent(s) - others are just spoiled brats who dislike because their parent(s) had the gall to use the "N" word... as in NO - not the bad "N" word.) I've always had a decent enough relationship with my parents... I didn't always like them, but they never gave me reason to go all "Menendez" on them. Some days I'm sure they understood perfectly why some species ate their young. I still remember the day it dawned on me, "Hey, Mum and Dad aren't big, fat idiots after all." I'm sure they remember it too, or at least marked it on the calendar. Parents - the originals in putting the "fun" in dysfunctional.

Grandparents... Who can say a bad thing about their grandparents? Some can - I'm just not one of them... I knew all four of my grandparents... They were all cool... They'd get me all spun out on sugar... Slip me a couple bucks here and there.... Gave the rest of the family a place to meet up and visit... I think Grandparents invented the "fun" in dysfunctional.

Aunts, Uncles and first cousins... I was fortunate enough to have 8 biological aunts (2 sisters for Mum, 6 for Dad) and 3 biological Uncles (1 bro for Ma, and 2 for Dad). In all, I've got 20 cousins... Those 20 cousins produced 4 second cousins... There was never a shortage of kids to play with over the holidays - until we got older, moved away and didn't get home on the holidays. Aunts/Uncles/Cousins - the reason "fun" is in dysfunctional.

Anything other than my parents, younger brother, grandparents, and a few aunts, uncles and cousins.... My loyalties can't be counted upon. I know is sounds harsh, and I honestly wish nothing bad on the extended family.... I've just noticed some stuff over the years... Since my Grandpa passed away in 2001, I've noticed his family has become more withdrawn from our sector of the family. My family from Texas will come to Canada, and go to Vancouver Island where Grandpa's older brother and sister live.... Do you think they stop in the Okanagan to see my Grandma, Mum, Aunts, and Uncle? I don't recall hearing about that visit... These people are each other's Cousins/Aunts/Uncles/Nieces/Nephews. It's not like they are distant relatives that have never met. It aggravated me, I've come to terms that the "fun" isn't there....

My Dad has an Aunt who has lived in Edmonton for years. Since I moved here in May of 2003, I've seen her maybe 3 or 4 times... The only reason I did see her the 3 or 4 times is because when my parents came to visit me from BC, we went out for a few hours to visit her as well. If it weren't for my parents, I doubt I'd ever have seen her. My Mum's cousin's family live just outside of Edmonton... The Cousin's granddaughter was pregnant and they were going to come to Edmonton to do some shopping and made mention of meeting up for lunch or something... It never happened.... The cousin got sick and passed away suddenly and that was the end of that. Back in September, I did see my Grandpa's brother's granddaughter. (My 3rd cousin??? I'm not even sure how the labelling works...) At any rate, she's a sweet girl and brought her 6 month old son out to Edmonton to visit her Dad.... If it wasn't for Facebook, I doubt I would have seen them at all.... I noticed in her status that she was boarding a plane and was heading out this way... I asked if I would be getting to see her and her boy. It took her Mum pointing out the fact that I asked her on Facebook to get the ball rolling... Taking the "fun" out.

I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but if that's how they want to be - fine! Let them, I'd love to get to know them better, hang out and maybe become friends as well as family... More allies in this day and age, the better. If they aren't interested, there's not much I can do... Except turn close friends into family.... I've got a close friend that I call my sister. She's got one son that I refer to as my nephew and he calls me "Auntie Lauren". I've been "adopted" by her family and I consider them my 2nd family. I'd probably step up to bat for them faster then some of the people that I am blood related too.

What's my point... Sometimes I forget even... I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can't pick your family... You can pick your friends... And sometimes, your friends come before certain members of your family... Who you going to help move? Your best buddy in the whole wide world? Or your third cousin you haven't seen since y'all were 10 years old? Who you going to call to pick you up from work if your car breaks down? Best pal in the world? Or someone who won't come see you under any other circumstances?

It may sound like I'm bitter and promoting hate or resentment... But I guarantee I'm not. I've been bitten by the Genealogy bug and want to trace my family tree as far back as I can... I've even got family from Norway on my Facebook. When I was in Whistler working the Olympics, I managed to get a few days off in a row. I jammed to Vancouver and Victoria to see family. I saw my Dad's younger brother, his wife/my aunt, and both my cousins in Vancouver. I then went to Victoria, saw one of Dad's younger sisters and two of my cousins... I also went and saw my Grandpa's older sister and brother, that were mentioned earlier on, and one of Grandpa's younger sisters. I'm not a hater... I made the effort....

It's not always about me; is blood really thicker than water though?