It's Not Always About Me

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Sit Down Before You Fall Down : Happy 4:20 Day!

"I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night,
I smoke two joints in the afternoon and it makes me feel alright
I smoke two joints in time of peace and two in time of war
Smoke two joints before I smoke two joints
and then I smoke two more."

~ Sublime/Bob Marley "Smoke 2 Joints"

HAPPY 4:20 DAY to all the Hippies, Stoners and former Stoners alike! What better topic to talk about on 4:20 Day than weed, pot, grass, reefer or whatever Marijuana name you use!

Firstly, what does 4:20 even mean, right? "420" isn't a police code for possession of a controlled/illegal substance - such as weed. "420" isn't the number of active chemicals in pot. "420" isn't the pager code used by teenagers to signal they were about to smoke a joint. Close but not quite.... In all actuality, the term 420 was coined by a small group of students in the early 1970's in California. 4:20 was the time of day they'd meet at a specific spot to smoke weed and the term caught on like wild fire and hasn't been forgotten since. Since then, marijuana culture has used April 20th (4/20), as "4:20 Day" to further enjoy the 4:20 experience...

Back in December, right around Christmas time, I was suffering from some serious insomnia - so I started flicking through the satellite channels. No, I didn't reach for a "big, fat cannon", but I did find a couple of documentaries about our topic of conversation. (A link to each documentary can be found at the bottom of this post - along with various other links.) I learned more about Ganja in the three hours of television than I had in the whole time I had spent smoking the stuff....

The first thing that caught my attention were a few segments reporting on Portugal's Drug Laws. I mean, everyone knows about Amsterdam, but did anyone really suspect that Portugal's drug laws are so drastically different from what we are used to here in Canada? I was blown away by what they were able to film on the streets and in parks of Portugal Cities. (I believe they were in Lisbon - don't quote me on that though.) There were people in parks openly using much harsher drugs than weed. (Yeah - we're talking the likes Heroine among other things.) There were groups of people using. They weren't out in the open to be defiant or because they were too strung out to care - it was because of laws over there that I still can't wrap my head around.

At one point, they showed a police officer "walking a beat" at night passed a club/bar. There was a patron, from the bar, outside smoking a marijuana cigarette. (Anyone who has ever smoked a joint, or has been around one being smoked, knows "That" smell.) The police officer just continued on his beat, not bothering the patron a bit. Had that been here in Canada - entirely different story. The Portuguese have an entirely different way of handling their drug users as well. Rather than throwing the user in jail for possession, or any other like drug related charge, the user is sent to state paid rehab instead. What stuck out in my mind was when the documentarian asked someone who worked at the rehabilitation center what they thought of junkies going to rehab instead of jail. The Rehabilitation worker's answer was basically along the lines of "Either way, my tax dollars are paying for it. I'd rather have them go through rehab and give them a better chance to get better and not re-offend... In jail, it's more likely that they'll come out to use again." (I honestly think that an idea like this may work over here... Just a thought... I'd like to see this kind of law in Canada. If a person is convicted of a non-violent drug related crime, such as possession or something, that they go to rehab instead. Get them clean, maybe less of a chance to re-offend...)

The second thing that caught my eye was Oaksterdam University... There is an actual weed University out there! Who KNEW?! If you guessed Oaksterdam was located in California - you guessed correctly. Oaksterdam offers weekend seminars, semester programs, horticultural programs etc etc. They'll teach you how to grow marijuana and cultivate it. They'll inform you of different strains of weed and which are more potent than others. Oaksterdam even offers a glass blowing course - you can learn how to make your own bongs and pipes. Had I known about Oaksterdam back in high school - my career choices may have been a little different.... All in all though, I don't regret where I'm at today.

The third thing was that I had my eyes opened about something. I had no idea that there was such a large smuggling operation that had gone on.... The Emerald Triangle was the center of an elaborate marijuana smuggling ring. I come from BC, you always hear about "BC Bud". I know California is known for their weed as well. You hear of "Maui Wowie", "Panama Red", "Acapulco Gold", "Thai Stick" and a list could go on forever. I always thought that there was pot everywhere and there was no need for smuggling marijuana. Cocaine smuggling, that I understood.... Blew my mind about the weed though...

The last thing that really stuck with me, were the stories of medical marijuana growers and the government hypocrisy that seems to be there... These people spend about a year filling out the proper forms and shelling out thousands upon thousands of dollars to file these applications/permits/legal documents. After they've jumped through all the bureaucratic hoops, they were "busted" with a grow op and fined.... So the government gets their money... Then busts you anyway? Lame sauce, dudes!

Marijuana documentaries aside - as I mentioned, I'm from BC and grew up knowing about BC bud... I'm not gonna lie and say I've never smoked a joint in my life... I've had stoner friends, I've been friends with pot dealers. I've had my share of dances with Mary-Jane and had a few good times with it. I do remember some wicked bad paranoia and munchies too... I've watched stoner films and eatten stoner brownies. Two birds, one stone with the brownies... (Yes - pun very much intended there.) I've gone to the Legislative Building in Edmonton on 4:20 and witnessed the green haze in a sort of demonstration - albeit a very peaceful demonstration. I've experienced a term called "Green Out" due to an over indulgence on 4/20... Basically, "green out" kind of like smoking one's self sober if you will. Was still very, very relaxed the next day but none of the head fuzz followed. If you catch a bad buzz, drink a glass of OJ. The Vitamin C found in that Orange Juice will help straighten your head out...

It's Not Always About Me... : A Friend in Need, is a Friend Indeed! A Friend with Weed is Better!

"Weedy" Places/Stoner Websites:

Stoner Movies

Cheech & Chong
Saving Grace
Harold & Kumar (Go to White Castle & Escape from Guantanamo Bay)
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (Specifically Spicoli!)
The Big Lebowski (The Dude Abides)
Dazed and Confused
Super High Me
Half Baked
How High
Rolling Kansas

Stoner Songs

Afro Man - Cuz I Got High
Tom Petty - Last Dance With Mary-Jane
Sublime/Bob Marley - Smoke Two Joints
Cypress Hill - Hits from the Bong
Steve Miller Band - Joker (At least he was a mid-night toker)

Openly Stoner/Marijuana Using Celebs

Jeff Bridges
Willie Nelson
Bob Marley
Snoop Dog
Matthew McConaughey

Stoner TV Shows

Weeds
That '70's Show
Trailer Park Boys
http://www.pot-tv.net/

Stoner Olympics (I mean Stoners & The Olympics)

Michael Phelps (American Swimmer - 14 time Olympic Gold Medalist & 2 time Olympic Bronze Medalist)
Ross Rebagliati (Canadian Snowboarder - Olympic Gold Medalist in Slalom)

All Things Stoner (Honorable Mentions)

The "Stony" Awards (Essentially the Stoner Awards)
Bus Stop Bench with "Tempting Ad" (See Picture at Beginning)
The Doobie Brothers (The Band)
Stony Plain (A town in Alberta)

"Bibliography"

http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/marijuana/a/420meaning.htm (Meaning of 420)
http://www.cnbc.com/id/28281668/ (Marijuana Inc Documentary)
http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/series/explorer/3821/Overview (Marijuana Nation Documentary)
http://www.cannabisculture.com/v2/content/marijuana-taking-root-californias-emerald-triangle (Emerald Triangle)

Friday, 15 April 2011

Adele - Rolling In The Deep

This girl can sing! <3 this song!

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Fraissard: An Aussie-Canadian Bushman

While growing up, classmates only half believed that I had family from the Land Down Under.... When I started to bring in little gifts from the Aussie family, for show and tell - they were a little more ready to believe me. It's been years since I've done a show and tell presentation in front of a class, but today I'd like to do a little show and tell, again... This time with my cousin, Dominique Fraissard's music. I've always known him as Nick, but I hear he goes by Dom these days - can't fear change, just gotta roll with it. =0)

The first real memory I have of my great Aussie cousin, Dom/Nick, was the Christmas after I turned 8. I remember him playing the didgeridoo in my Aunty's basement and remember thinking "Man, this guy's a bit CRAZY!" He was full of energy and life - rockin' out on the "doo" and putting on a bit of a show for the family. Soon the holiday was gone, and the Aussie Relies had to go back to their real lives back in Oz.

A few years back, I was able to make it back to Vernon during the summer. It must have been perfect timing, as Nick was putting on a performance at a local coffee shop. (The coffee shop actually was my favorite cafe when I was in high school.) The evening of the performance, a bunch of my family packed into the Bean Scene, on the main drag in Vernon, and were entertained for about an hour or so. I was blown away by the depth of the lyrics and the enthusiasm of performance. Though Nick had always been talented, the performance was way more serious than the didgeridoo memory from years earlier.

With an indie/folk/roots sound flowing from my CD player, I had driven my then-roommate to distraction. She'd told me that if I played "that" disc one more time, she was going to snap it in half for me... It wasn't always that way though. When I had first got the CD - from my Aunt who happens to be Dom's Mum - the roommate would wander into my room and hang out to listen to a song or two. The down fall was only having one of Dom's discs - maybe a little variety would've avoided the threat. In the end, she didn't snap the disc... I still listened to the music and really enjoyed it. I still need to acquire a few of Dom's discs but there are ways to keep up on the new stuff... (Like checking out a link or two listed at the bottom of this post. You will also be able to find songs are available for purchase on iTunes. Definatelly worth a listen!)

I've had the fortune of hanging out with Dom in a non-music setting as well. I remember one visit where a few Canadian cousins all went boating on Okanagan Lake. Very entertaining.... A few days later, Dom had wanted to re-explore some of what he'd remembered of his Canadian childhood.... So again, a few Canadian cousins and Dom (and his Aussie friends) went for a hike across from Bluenose Mountain in Lumby... Embarrassingly, I was completely out of shape and had to decend as the rest of the crew went further to the top... (It was a good time still though!) While I was living in Edmonton, Dom had come in to see the Fringe Festival. (The Fringe is a festival centered around the performing arts - more specifically plays.) I had met him for a drink at a pub called the Next Act. From what I gathered, he enjoyed the experience.

My post originally from April 6th - Humble in a Moment - is actually the Dom we are speaking of. (I have since removed the post and re-posted on June 10th called Humble Lake - as I preferred this version better.) He's got a voice of his own, has pursued his dream and I sincerely hope he makes it to the top. With inspiration drawn from his childhood in Australia and Canada (and various other experiences of course) mixed with the artistic trait that runs in his family, Dom is out there doing what he loves. I know he's passionate about music and seems to enjoy the process of things. His hard work, over the years, has started to pay off. This year, now that he's residing in the Interior of BC, Nick has been nominated in the BC Interior Music Awards. He's one of the top three finalists in four categories: The People's Choice, Best World/Roots Album of the Year, Best Folk/Traditional Album of the Year and Best Producer. My fingers are crossed as the People's Choice Voting deadline has just recently past - that this year's winner will be Dom. (As well as the other three categories he's been nominated for.) Over the Easter Long Weekend the awards will be presented.

It's not always about me; sometimes it's about supporting the family in any way we can.

Places to Get Fraissard News

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Swiss Chocolate and Yodelling Canadian Club : Happy Birthday Grandma!!!!

Since returning to BC, about three months ago, I've been doing a lot of visiting with my elderly Grandma. Today's the day I'd like to wish her a very Happy 80th Birthday. So, even though I'm back in Alberta, that's exactly what I did. I've got a few funny Grandma stories from over the years... Also a few that helped shape the family story & history while aiding in everything making sense... Grandma is my only surviving grandparent, so today I am entirely grateful that I was able to speak with her, as opposed to speaking solely of her.

Eating a cookie (or pretty much ANYTHING else sweet) with one hand and armed with a back up in the other - my Diabetic Grandmother will deny her sweet tooth... I think it's more like three, but good luck getting her to admit one! I'm not sure if that stems from Grandma being a Swiss girl at heart - the Swiss are renown for their chocolate you know! Or if it has anything to do with the fact that she was a girl raised in the Dirty Thirties.... It could've stemmed from being in Switzerland when WWII was rumbling and rationing came into the mix of everyday life. Grandma's told me numerous times that she used to stock pile her sugar and use it to barter with her own Mum. (She'd give my Great Grandmother her hoarded sugar ration so Great Grandma could use it for baking. Grandma was no fool - fresh baking is super sweet... Especially when you can load it with butter - another of Grandma's favorites that she may deny as she's loading her bread with it! LOL!)

Grandma is the only one of my Grandparents not born on Canadian soil. She was born in Switzerland and immigrated to Canada when she was around 6 or 7. I remember having to do an art project in grade 11 or so and the subject was Family History related. I went to Grandma and wracked her brain for something I could draw out. She told me of her boat ride over to Canada when she was small. She remembered that they came across a Soldier - before boarding the ship- who clicked his heels and expected her father to give the Nazi Salute. He was reluctant at first but eventually gave in. She vividly told me of people getting sea sick and puking off the side of the boat. She remembered Swastikas on the rain barrels of a male relative they briefly stayed with upon their arrival in Canada.... I've come into Grandma's kitchen a time or two and managed to witness her yodelling quietly to herself - a trait learned of her own Mother. (Some of her siblings have been caught doing the same.) Every so often, you'll catch Grandma mumble something in Swiss-German under her breathe - it's usually a swear though. Grandma and my Mum have made the trek back to Switzerland since. I think a more recent trip back is in the back of her mind as well.

Grandma made it to the eighth grade before dropping out to join the work force. After moving across Canada from Dryden, Ontario to Vernon, BC, Grandma was employed in various places - usually as a Machine Worker/Machinist. While my Grandpa was away working for the Department of Highways, Grandma worked on the Machinist lines of the Canadian Club Distillery (Hyram Walker) in Winfield, BC. She was home every night to keep her four kids in line - the oldest of those four being my Mum. I remember Grandma retiring in 1989 after many years of service.

I remember many summers in Grandma's backyard - which was equipped with an above ground pool. (This is where I learned how to do a flip into a pool or appropriate sized/depth body of water.) It was always great to be able to go to Grandma's for a sleep over - especially when one of the cousins was sleeping over with you! I remember one such sleep over.... My cousin, Jessica, always had the flare for drama, singing and just down right entertainment. She got an idea in her head that we could basically do our own variety show kinda deal. We'd play songs popular in the late '80's and we'd dance around and lip sync. Grandma had a video camera and offered to film it.... We even did a "Weight Watchers" commercial and stuffed a pillow up the front of our shirts for the before shot... I'm not sure where that video is in Grandma's pile of stuff... But if it ever turned up, I'd be mortified! Grandma was always good for that though. She was always doing something creative... I've seen pictures where she dressed her own kids up!

Grandma's house was always the centered point of any family get together - whether it be Thanksgiving or Christmas. All my cousins (as Grandma's got 10 grand kids and 1 great grand kid now) would come and aunts and uncles would congregate at Grandma's. (I remember when Grandma and Grandpa moved out of the house I'd known as theirs for the first 15 years of my life... I was pretty sad - the cousins and I would hunt Salamanders in the basement... Where I had numerous tea parties with the special tea sets Grandma kept in her cupboards for us... I still want to buy that house one day.)

A couple summers ago, I had come home from Edmonton for a week or so vacation... I spent a sunny afternoon at the peanut pool with one of my baby, baby cousins Syd and my Grandma. After packing up for the day, then dropping Sydney off at home (which was just up the street from Grandma's), I stayed at Grandma's for dinner. Grandma had decided to make spaghetti but was in a panic for a vegetable to serve with dinner. I laughed my head off and asked if the tomato sauce wasn't good enough to consider a veggie. She replied no and continued making dinner. I laughed even harder when she called me for dinner and served broccoli with spaghetti. I'll never forget that evening, so long as I live!

So, on this day all those years ago, my Grandma was born in Switzerland 6 weeks or so premature. The doctor told my Great Grandfather not to worry about registering his 5 pound daughter, because she probably wouldn't make it. Naming her was optional as well, for the same reasoning. I'm glad that Great Grandpa Gysler registered her as little Rena Gysler because Grandma proved that doctor wrong... Here it is 80 years later, and she's still alive and kicking and I'm proud to call her Grandma!

HAPPY 80th BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!!!

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Price Tag

Love this tune! Wish we could all forget about the price tag some times!

Thursday, 17 February 2011

A Woman's Love of Shoes : A Tribute of Sorts

Sure, shoes serve a purpose - protecting one's feet... This could mean from weather - like snow or rain... Or from the heat of the pavement on a hot Summer's day... True - shoes also protect one's feet from sharp and uncomfortable things - like rocks or glass... They can also protect other things - like proper running shoes protect from shin splints and joint pain... We've even got steal toed boots to protect us while on the job. Shoes can make an outfit, they can make a person taller, they can help correct one's posture and a bazillion of other things... Maybe these are examples of why the stereo typical woman has so many pairs of shoes. And as a woman, I'd love to be able to completely explain why women have heaps of shoes... I'll try my best to do so, from my perspective, though I don't speak for every female out there.

I moved a few months ago, and the sheer amount of shoes in my collection astounded me! I had two very large garbage bags full. (That didn't even include the duffel bag full of slippers - which in my mind are just shoes acceptable to wear in the house.... Winnie the pooh, Eeyore and Shrek are just a few of my slipper characters... And that doesn't include a few of the "plain" pairs I have... Ridiculous!) Compared to some Ladies out there, that's a minuscule amount... To me it just seemed nuts! I was in full out moving purge mode and trimmed that down by half..... I got rid of old, warn out pairs that had already been replaced... There was easily about $500 worth of shoes there... And by no means do I own a pair designer shoes of Jimmy Choo status. I don't even own a brand name pair of shoes! They're all middle of the road, not overly expensive department store brands.... Okay, so I do have a pair of Columbia boots that are kind of expensive - but they were part of a uniform that I didn't have to pay for... But I did get to keep the boots! =0)

While purging, I also got rid of a couple pairs that I would never wear again... I'm not going to lie... It literally hurt to wear them... Why do we do that to ourselves my fellow Ladies? I've wandered through the shoe sections of various department stores and have wondered how some people are able to walk in some of the styles out there! The honking high heels for example. If I could make it out the door without snapping an ankle I'd be impressed... And if I managed not to injure myself throughout the evening's events, the dang things would leave me crippled by knee and foot pain for a couple days. I will admit - even though I graduated from high school coming up on 12 years ago - I still have the shoes I bought and wore especially for grad. They are high heels, borderline hooker shoes... I can't seem to bring myself to part with them, even though they've been worn twice and I doubt I could walk in them again.

I've probably got at least one pair of every style of shoe out there... I've got steel toed boots - which of course were required foot wear for a few jobs I've had... I've got a couple different styles of winter boots - a dresser pair, my favorite "sh!t kicker" ankle boot style, and a pair of mid-calf functional winter play boots... Let's face it, I'm Canadian and there's bound to be snow at one point or another. (Now that I'm no longer in Edmonton, I hope the snow stays in actual Winter months and doesn't make a surprise appearance in the middle of July!) I've got a couple pair of comfortable formal flats... Runners/Work-out style shoes, yep you'll find them in my collection. My favorites though - sandals and flip flops... That's where most of my shoe money's been sunk! I've got a pair of for every mood or necessity one can imagine - with the exception of a pair of "Hooker Boots"... And Heaven forbid I find another cute pair out there!

I just came in from mucking around on the muddy country road I live on, in my newest footwear acquisition.... Gumboots, or Rubber boots if you will. Yeah, I said it - Gumboots! Out here it would be crazy not to possess a pair. While coming in more stylish patterns than I remember growing up, Gumboots are functional.... They serve a purpose. One can go outside on a soggy Spring or Fall day, do yard work and not worry about ruining a pair of shoes that are otherwise still acceptable to wear in public... They clean up really easily and are waterproof... So, you don't have to worry about getting your feet wet either! Gumboots are functional - one of the reasons why Women love shoes! (Oh Gumboots! I don't know why I waited so long to own a pair again!)

I can't really explain it... I just love shoes! I guess I have so many so I have a variety of choice... If I'm lazy and don't want to bend over and it's nice enough outside - I've got sandals... It's snowing - I've got boots. It's spring and mucky - I've got gumboots... Going on a job where regulated foot wear is required - steel toed boots are there... Going for a walk or exercising - there's the runners... They all serve a purpose and protect the feet in one form or another... Most of them even look cute while doing so! Everybody needs to take care of their smelly feet to make sure they're not all gnarled out for when we're older... Shoes are just the forefront of preserving our foot future! (It would "stink" to have arthritic feet due to improper foot wear!)

It's not always about me... While I have a healthy love of shoes, I'd rather be running around bare foot year round. Figure that one out!

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Don't Suffer in Silence: Depression Stinks

"Sunshine, blue sky, please go away,

My girl has found another, and gone away

With her went my future, my life is filled with gloom,

So day after day, I stay locked up in my room

I know to you it might sound strange,

I wish it would rain (oh how I wish that it would rain)"

~The Temptations "I Wish It Would Rain"

Lately, I've noticed that I haven't blogged nearly as often as I used to.... And not as much as I would like to... As I've promised that I would. I'd like to say that it's just the post~Christmas/Winter blues.... I'd like to say that it's being single just before the massively commercial Valentine's Day... I know these aren't the reasons, however... I've figured what the issue is ~ Depression.

While growing up, I remember my Grandma suffering from bouts of Depression... Sometimes, those bouts were pretty hardcore... Grandma has been treated with Anti-Depressant drugs over the years, and they seem to help keep her on a more even keel. I know most, if not all, of Grandma's siblings have suffered from Depression as well - including her only brother. One of her sisters has dealt with a very serious case of Depression that has been treated with Shock Therapy sessions. One of Grandma's Uncles, back in Switzerland, committed suicide due to a heavy bout of Depression.... My Mum has followed in Grandma's footsteps and has been diagnosed and treated with Depression/Anxiety Issues.

I remember my own Depression started as a teenager. I'd come home from school and sleep until dinner was served. It wasn't until I had a break down in 2001 in the Doctor's office, after moving away to go to college, that I was diagnosed with Depression/Anxiety issues of my own. The straw that seemed to "Break the Camel's Back" was a hard core year of personal turmoil. I lost my Gramps in January... My first serious boyfriend and I broke up in March - after two and a half years together. I moved away from home for the first time by myself to go to College. My other Grandfather was pretty sick when I left and passed away three weeks after my move. (He also passed away two and a half weeks before my 20th birthday. It didn't help that I lost both my Grandfathers within 9 months of each other, almost to the day.)

My depression symptoms included being tired all of the time... Even if I slept for 8-12 hours a day.... I'd go for periods without eating very much at all. Then I'd stuff everything and anything in my mouth food wise. I gained a TON of weight. (I graduated from highschool at about a weight of 125 pounds. I stopped weighing myself at 210.... And I know I gained more after that - the clothes that fit almost comfortably at 210 were becoming tight.) The weight gain only added to the depression. I had no energy and my body seemed to ache all the time. I know the added weight didn't help the aching, but it's not the sole reason for the ache.

Friends and Family had tried to cheer me up and would take me out to "get my mind off of things" - but it didn't help. I began drinking and partying pretty heavily.... Heavily enough to wrack up a couple credit cards - which again, only added to my depressed state of mind. That's when the crying fit in front of the Doctor came into play. I was so embarrassed when I started blubbering away in front of the Doc - I hate crying in front of anybody, but in front of the Doctor seemed that much more embarrassing. He had asked me about family history of Depression - I told him the same as I've written here - and he prescribed an Anti-Depressant/Anti-Anxiety medication for me.

I had to stop drinking and partying in order for it to work properly... So that's what I did. I gained a new group of friends who were more supportive, and drank less... With the help of them and the pills, I slowly became more even tempered... I wasn't prone to crying fits as much. I ached less and my appetite became a little more regular. My weight stayed pretty close to the same though - but now I had the energy to go for more walks to help rectify that.

Under the Doctor's guidance, I started weening myself off the medication after about 6 - 8 months. Everything seemed to be going alright. I was doing well enough in school. I had some pretty great friends. I was starting to lose a bit of weight - rather than gain it. Every so often I would have a few "Down Days" but other than that - life was pretty good. I finished my College Education, moved back home for about 2 weeks, and then moved to Edmonton.

While in Edmonton, I was treated for Depression.... Again... The boyfriend, that I moved to Edmonton with, and I were arguing all the time - I could see a real change in him and I really didn't like it one bit. We split less than a month after moving there... (He only lasted a few months in Edmonton before moving back to BC.) So here I was, alone in a new-to-me City, with only one friend and no family around what so ever. (Thankfully I had that one friend - or I would have completely lost it) I was working at least - which helped keep me going...

I found myself falling back into the same Depressed routine. I was sleeping a lot... Crying a lot... My appetite was gone... I was always achy... I was riding the bus and was constantly anxious I was going to miss the bus and be late for work... Even when I was on the bus I was anxious that I was going to be late for work... Even though I knew that wasn't true. So, I was medicated again for both conditions. I remember being so happy once I got to work because I knew it was time to take my pill that would help me calm down, relax and feel more sane. It was this time that I started to lose the weight I had gained the first time around.

As in the song at the beginning of this post, most days I wished it would rain. If it was bright and sunny outside, I'd feel guilty for being holed up in my room due to the lacking energy to get out into the sun. I felt bad wasted days and lack of interest in anything... Even going outside for a cigarette was a chore and required a three hour nap to "recover". I guess I scared my brother enough he read my journal because he was worried I was planning to off myself. (I wasn't... And I was pissed he read my journal... But I was glad to know he was concerned enough - he and I had a pretty strained relationship for most of our lives.)

I've been off any anti-Depressants/anti-Anxiety medication for about 5 years now. I know my signs of Depression, and if they ever come back - I'll be medicated again. I don't enjoy the pills because I feel too much like a drone... But I know they work to help even me out... If I have to be on them for a few months to help get back to a regular, functioning human being... So be it... I'm doing alright now without the meds though, and I'm glad for that. I don't regret the times I did have to be medicated - mainly because they helped me not do something "crazy" like jumping off a building. Things are starting to look up for me, so I will be badgering y'all with more posts - not to worry! =0)

It's Not Always About Me... Being diagnosed with Depression is nothing to be ashamed of... Please DO NOT think you are alone! Get the help you need and DO NOT suffer any longer. Depression is NOT a sign of weakness, it's just a sign of trying to be strong too long.

Below is a small list of Celebrities/Famous People who have suffered from Depression as well. (I know there seems to be a LOT listed below - but the list is only a portion of the MASSIVE list on Wikipedia and other sites.... I just took some of the ones I recognized.)

Famous People with Depression:

Hans Christen Anderson (Children's Author)
Buzz Aldren (Astronaut/2nd Man to Walk on the Moon)
Woody Allen (Film Director)
Terry Bradshaw (Former Football Player/Now Commentator)
Jim Carrey (Comedic Actor)
Drew Carey (Comedic Actor)
Kurt Cobain (Recording Artist/Songwriter)
Leonard Cohen (Recording Artist/Songwriter)
Winston Churchill (British Premiere)
Charles Dickens (Author)
Kirsten Dunst (Actress)
Rodney Dangerfield (Comedian/Actor)
John Denver (Recording Artist/Songwriter)
Harrison Ford (Actor)
Nelly Furtado (Recording Artist/Songwriter)
Vincent Van Gogh (Artist)
Anne Hathaway (Actress)
Ernest Hemmingway (Author)
Clara Hughes (Canadian Gold Winning Olympic Athlete)
Janet Jackson (Recording Artist)
Ashley Judd (Actress)
Billy Joel (Recording Artist)
Beyonce (Recording Artist)
Hugh Laurie (Actor of "House" Fame)
Heath Ledger (Actor)
John Lennon (Recording Artist/Songwriter/"Beatle")
Abraham Lincoln (US President)
Ewan MacGregor (Actor)
Mozart (Composer)
Conan O'Brien (Late Night Host/Comedian)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Actress)
Edgar Allen Poe (Author)
Anne Rice (Author)
J.K. Rowling (Author)
John D. Rockefeller (American Industrialist)
Brooke Shields (Actress)
James Taylor (Recording Artist/Song Writer)
Mark Twain (Author)
Owen Wilson (Actor)
Brian Wilson (Recording Artist/Beach Boy)

Websites Worth a Peak: