You Can Never Go Home Again

"It's been fifteen years since I left home
Said good luck to every seed I'd sown

Give it my best and then I left it alone

Oh...I hope their doin alright

Now I look in the mirror and what do I see?

A lone wolf there starin' back at me

Long in the tooth but harmless as can be

Lord I guess he's doin' alright

And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shinin' when I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good?"

~Travis Tritt "It's a Great Day to Be Alive"

My generation has been called the "Boomerang Generation". What the heck is that, right? Basically, people of my "generation" move out, get a job, pay rent and bills and all the normal "adult" like stuff... But we find ourselves moving back in with Ma and Pa for one reason or another. Whether that reason is due to a job loss thanks in part to the stalled economy... To a low paying job requiring a person to have three jobs or eight roommates to make ends meet.... Or a break up of a relationship. (Possibly a combination of all of the above.) I have come to the recent realization that Thomas Wolfe's quote "You can never go home again" is absolutely true. (At least it is for me.)

I'll always be a BC girl, we're talking until the day I die. But...... I left Vernon about 10 years ago. I remember that even in high school I hated Vernon and I was destined to relocate somewhere else... ANYWHERE ELSE! So, that's what I did. My first endeavour was to Creston, BC... Creston is small town BC... It's got maybe three or four traffic lights... You sneeze and the next day your neighbour calls to make sure you're feeling alright. I hated Creston, don't get me wrong - I loved visiting the place, but to live there just wasn't my bag. I lasted about 6 months in Creston, the then boyfriend and I split so there was no point in sticking around where I was miserable... I boomeranged home for the first time. I hated it, I felt like a loser, a failure. I was just as miserable in Vernon as I had been in Creston... But at least I was around family.

My second venture out of Vernon was roughly 5 months later - when I moved to Trail, BC to go to school at Selkirk College. Originally, I went to Trail to get educated as a Legal Assistant.... It was either Trail or Vancouver - and to be honest, Vancouver still scares the shit out of me... So Trail it was. It was the first time I'd moved out all by myself... It turns out that partying and drinking too much was more fun... I wound up flunking a class in the first semester... No problem, pick up the class the following semester or make it up some how right? Wrong. I got to Selkirk when the Legal Assistant program was going into it's last year, meaning there was no way to make up the class... Here I was, 20 years old and hearing my Dad drop the F- Bomb for the very first time. I almost shat my pants at the thought of going "home" for Christmas... I'm still alive to tell about it, so obviously Dad calmed down a little.

After Christmas, I enrolled in my alternative program at Selkirk College called Applied Business and managed to graduate. I spent approximately a year and a half in Trail and managed to meet some really cool people and  my best friend there. (She's still my bestie, 7 almost 8 years later.) Trail wasn't to be my final destination though. There weren't enough jobs and my parents weren't going to pay my rent anymore either. So for the second time, I boomeranged "Home" to Vernon.

By this time, I had another boyfriend who had moved to Kelowna just before I got back to Vernon. We spent two, maybe three weeks in the Okanagan Area. I was freshly graduated and still couldn't find work. He decided he wasn't getting enough hours in his welding profession in Kelowna.... So, one day we packed up his "Twinkie" car and we were on the road to Edmonton. I had sold my car to make the trip and was callous enough to leave my Mum a note saying, "I'm gone, moving to Edmonton, Call you later when I can." Mum was stunned, and quite frankly, so was I... It took some balls! The reason I left the note rather than talking to my parents about my plans though... I didn't want them to talk me out of it. 7 almost 8 years later, I still would've gone - but I would have at least waited so I could say good bye.

Turns out, the boyfriend and I split less than a month after moving to Alberta. Good ridden really, the guy was a goof. He lasted maybe two months in Edmonton before bitching back home to his parents' place. (See, I'm not the only one that's boomeranged.) My experience in Edmonton wouldn't have been the same if I stayed with him. I met some really cool people and had some really good times, too. (Mixed in with some not so good people or times. I remember eating white rice and soy sauce for a week because of puny pay cheques.)

Now that I'm back in my home town, I am remembering why I left in the first place. Vernon hasn't been felt like home in a while. I remember being 14 or 15 and thinking that this wasn't my home. I'm 29 now, and that's still the general consensus. This place isn't for me, it's not what I'm looking for. I loved coming back to Vernon while I was living elsewhere, and that will remain the same. I will always love the scenery, the lakes, and the fact that family is here. But this place will never be what I call home again. A house is just a house unless family is there. Even with Family in Vernon - Vernon isn't home. I'm sure Thomas Wolfe meant something different... Along the lines of once you've got your independence from your parents, living under their roof again wouldn't work... You're an adult, and they'll always see you as the baby they brought home from the hospital... They'll expect to go back to the good old adage of "live under my roof, live by my rules." So, I'm not boycotting family by any means... Just my hometown... Nice to visit, but I don't want to stay here.

It's not always about me; but in the words of U2 "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."